My Parentology Lab

Since X was born, I found the pressure as a SAHM is way too harsh for me... to the extend I feel I'm strangled! I used to work in ICU, somewhere people would consider it's a work place with tremendous pressure... hahaha! SO WRONG! Eventhough with taxing work loads and horrendous atmosphere, the tension in ICU is nothing like I have at home... with 2 little rascals, one is the mischievous, who loves to whine without any apparent reason; and the other is clingy and whimper from time to time! Worst part, the eldest always intimidate the youngest and make him a crying baby that would really spoil my mood!

I'm kind of curious how other SAHM( who has more than a child)manage to handle their children, as from my observation... none of my family member would able to handle either of my child wihout any helper! While I have to babysit them with a bundle of house chores awaiting for me... I always feel guilty when I was forced to leave X in the cot or barricade him when I bathed J, 'wrestled' in the kitchen for meals or trying to clean up the front yard, leaving him cried and screeched! Whenever I have done, I'll be haunted by the sight of his face covered with sweats, mucus and tears whilst streching his arms and begging me to carry him!!

I'm getting impatience, especially with J! The 'terrible 2' in her is choking my breath... except when she has gone to her Montessori or sleeping soundly. For instance yesterday(when she came back from her school), she took her own sweet time dilly dally with a tiny winy burgle I made for her, yet she didn't manage to finish it... nevermind; she grabbed a bundles of rattles and toys into her bedroom during nap time, I have to threatened her before she put it back ... nevermind; she left her cup with Horlick on the TV cabinet( I warned her before), later the drink spilled on X (when he tried to grab it)... nevermind; until when I was busy preparing dinner, she filled water in a ballon then poured it into the washing machine and on the dining chair, whilst X was crying cause I barricade him from the kitchen... my pressure raised beyond my threshold, I grabbed J and kept her in the storage until time for dinner!!

I found weekend becomes so crucial for me... to give my strenous brain and muscles a 'time-out'( My backache is getting worst recently with my trapezius cramped up too)! I really wish to have a day out, just for myself... but how can I enjoy my rest day if I can't stop worrying J and X! I prefer family outing, just the four of us... I told Tk I want to get some books for J this weekend, he sulked miserably, " When am I going to finish painting the house?!" I continued, " Do you know what day is this Sat?" he replied, " You thought I don't know, it's your birthday!" I was rather startled, it's my birthday and I was craving to have some quality time with him and the little sprouts... can't believe that's the best answer I can get from him?!! I'd rather he said he forgot than telling me he knows but he still have to continue with the painting job!(frown)

I really wish someone... would understand and care for me(weep)! MY BODY IS SO TIRED... I just need someone to value and appreciate me... more!

I hung the clothes after lunch, then I brought J and X upstair for an afternoon nap. I was exhausted after a taxing day of house chores and yelling at J's mischievous(Phew. I lied down on the mattress hoping to get a good rest, leaving J and X messing around in the room. On and off I would pester J to lie down with me, I didn't force X to take his nap but plan to bring him down to rock in a spring cot after J fall asleep.

However, when I was halfly dozing off... X crawled to me with his head burried into my chest. Obviously he was signing for milk, I held him close to my breast and fed him in my favourite lying position. Moment later, I opened my eyes and found him dozed off while clinging on my chest. I turned to the other side to look for J, she was sleeping soundly right beside me too... I closed my eyes and rested my mind.

When I woke up, I found X was sleeping away fom me. I was thinking of getting out of the room to continue my usual routine(Blogging and blog hopping when they fall asleep), before I was able to step out the room, I got startled when X sat up suddently while rubbing his eyes. He turned around and gradually crawled towards me, I had no choice but lied down with him and continued to nurse him, hoping that he would fall back to sleep in no time. At the mean time, J woke up then she looked around, seeing I was still in the room, she lied down and fell back to her dreamland.

X still suckling whilst keeping his eyes closed, then he broke the suction on his own, rolled and leaned on my left arm. He was asleep with his eyes partly open while his pupils were moving vigorously as he was in REM state. Later I heard J mumbled and she stood up and walked to my side, against she lied down on my right arm... I gently storke her with my hand. They were both sleeping soundly which put off my idea of leaving them in the room for my cold electronic gadget, the computer!

This afternoon, they broke their records for approximately 3 hours of sufficient sleeps, in which J slept from 1300 to 1600 while X till 1630!

This morning when I nimbling a sweet bun while slurping a mug of hot steaming Horlick, X lifted my book("How to Bring Up a Happy Child") from the footrest, he turned to me, hugging a lovely smile and uttered clearly, "BOOK"! I was kind of surprised by him, thus I gave him a bear hug and praised him. He seems to be very happy and kept shaking the book to and fro, as he was signing, " I did it again! I'm such a clever boy!". I gave TK a call( His background sounds was noisy, I assumed he was still in the train)to tell him the good news, our boy's 1st "BOOK"!

Last month when he was 8 months old, he saw I was munching at bread he uttered "BREA"(D). Now when we ask him where is "Ah Po, Ah Gong, Jie Jie, PaPa, Mama and Ah Ma", he will look at the person correctly. Sometimes, I overheard he said "BYE BYE" with his hand shaking to and fro happily... other time when I ask him, "Where is (Fan, playground, dog, cat)?" he will stare at the particular object or animal.

It's really exciting to see my own children grow, specially with spectacular milestones and archievement!(smile)

I know I shouldn't spend too much on parenting magazine, but this month I fail to differ my temptation. I bought myself my all time favourite Singapore magazine Young Parents(RM10) and Malaysia Published Parenthood(RM7.50) from Endah Parade Sri Petaling, while My Child(RM5) at Popular bookstore of Jusco Equine Park.

I couldn't resist the fun and excitement topics about school holiday from Young Parents, neither I can hold back for the Father's Day articles of Parenthood and nevertheless the Montessori way of early childhood education by My Child (weep)! I really don't want to miss either one of the issues... I always remind myself that I'm now a SAHM, and should only allocate my budget for necessity since our only breadwinner is TK. At most, I should only get one magazine for the entire month... I feel guilty of buying 3 for this month, moreover I have bought J her favourite Toy Story 3 for RM15+(with 20% diccount) at Popular bookstore!

I should behave myself, to spend according to priority... sulk!

Saturday, 22 May

It was about 2am in the morning, when I heard X whimpered for me. I opened the door, seeing him crawling groggily towards the door. I cuddled him into my arms immediately he stopped whining, I kept whispering to him, " You must be hungry, want 'nen nen'?" he didn't reply but I placed him close to my breast and he start suckling with no fuss.

I stroked his hair whilst he was grabbing my finger, with his eyes barely open he pushed his hand close to my lips and I gave it a kiss. He retreated transiently but later he pushed it close to my lips again, I giggled and gave him another kiss on his hand. It seems he still craving for my love even when he was in a 'semi conscious' state. I continued rubbing his arm, pat his bottom and softly I hummed a song for him. It was a wonderful, serene and sentimental moment, just between both of us!

During the day feeds, he loves to play 'peek a boo' with me when I cuddled him near my chest. He will constantly peep while suckling on my nipple. Whenever I notice him, he will give me a grin and other time he will lightly pat on my breast. When you see how eagerly he latches on me, he will definitely know how much he loves to be nursed. Whenever he is full, he will give me a charming satisfying smile, which I reckon it's the ultimate joy of breastfeeding!

Friday, 21 May

I bought fried rice noodle and 'lontong' for lunch today. Y seems not intrigued by the Malay food at all, she refused to take her lunch again! Whilst I was busy spooning the food feeding myself and X, she kept dilly dally dislodging the playmat, poking the curry gravy( which's packed in a plastic bag), asking for pee and the next second wanted to poop, She constantly finding excuses to spare her from having a proper meal. I warned her if she didn't take her food, I'll go upstair without her and she has to sleep alone, 'downstair'! After the 'threatening', she managed to scoop a piece or two of 'nasi himpit' into her mouth.

However, it didn't take her long to 'slumbering' again. I pestered her to take her food, but she asked me to feed her instead, I fed her with a spoonful then I told her I have other chores to deal with. That time, I had done with feeding X and busy collecting the dried clothing at the frontyard, pathetically she asked for pooping again and I asked her to settle herself. When I stepped into the house, I found she spilled her urine all over the kitchen's doorway. I presumed she did it unintentionally when she tried to lift the potty to the living room. I was a bit sulky when I cleaned the soiled floor, whimpering that I was tired cleaning after her mess. I told her that I was angry with her, before I could continued she bellowed, " after mama died, papa will come to me!" she said that highly likely because I used to tell her that if she stayed stubborn and don't listen to me, I'll probably die before she grows up. After she had done with her 'business', I washed her potty while she was still 'hu ha' around the house showing no intention of taking her lunch. She kept saying 'NO!' when I prompted her to take her lunch.

I had enough with my patience, hence I dragged her into the 'unoccupied room' and closed the door, she cried fretfully while pounding the wooden door. At the mean time, she gagged and begged me to let her out. I continued hanging my other batch of laundry, held my heart tight for punishing my beloved child. At the same time, X got startled with my action and cried like his 'jie jie'. I kept Y in the room(without locking) for a few seconds, then I opened the door, warned her to sit on her chair and take her food. She went to the living room crying heartily while clunching on the floor, refused to take her food. I put her on the chair and asked her to take her food, else I'll put her back in the room. When I came back to her, she was holding a few leaves of vege in her hand whilst most dishes was scattered on the floor. I hold my breath, praised her for taking her food. But eventually, she only ate a quarter of her food and left the rest untouched for 'Collie', our pet dog.

Saturday, 15 May

TK and me brought J and X to our usual mamak restaurant right across the road. After having breaskfast, we pay a visit to the newly open MyDin retail outlet, which located parallel to the mamak restaurant. However this post has nothing to do with MyDin nor the mamak restaurant.

When we came out from MyDin, I noted a water vending machine, which I reckon it's something new for both little sprouts and absolutely another newbie to add in J's vocabulary. Hence I asked her, "What do you think this is?"(pointing to the machine) wihout much hesitation, she told me it's a 'machine'. "What kind of a machine?", TK joined the conversation. She paused and kept her eyes on the gigantic metal box, " It has a door, you can open it!" I added. She open the door and within a minute she uttered, "It's a water machine"!

Frankly, it needs some time for me to digest on how did she figure out the correct answer.