Thursday, 20 may
This morning I hit J again! She woke me up at 0700 and told me she wanted to poop, I was exhausted after staying up late blog hopping last night. I was aggitated thus I asked her to look for the potty on her own, she refused and insisted that "the potty is missing"! She whined without bother X was sleeping soundly, with his head resting on my arm. My 'blood boiled' and involuntary I raised my hand and landed it on her left cheek, she cried and vomitted with milk and phlegm. Seeing she contaminated the matteress while X waking up fretfully, I raised my hands on her again, I pinched her thigh and legs without hesitation.
My mind kept warning me, "Stop! Enough! it's not her fault but yours!! you shouldn't stay up late and now ended up letting your anger on your beloved child!!" seeing Y crying heartily with tears and her face flushing like a tomato, I know I'm guilty again! I cleaned her up, pulled out the matteress and wiped her face dry. She apologised to me, made my heart sank with regrets nad guiltiness! I called TK, asked her to talk to her papa... avoiding her take another glance on my 'ungly bad temperament face'.
Later TK rang me, he told me it's hard to control our temperament infront of Y since she is a miss chievous. He has tried his best not to hit her nor scold her, and it was me that suggested not to land hands on her(in order to bring up a wonderful personality child), I should have be ashamed with myself. Thus I vow, from now on I will never hit my precious sprouts again! If I broke my promise, I'll have to go straight back to work!!!
After put off the phone, I cuddled Y in my arm. I told her if she needed something, she shouldn't depend on others, indeed she should look for it independently. I apologised for hitting her, I told her "hands are not for hitting" and it's definitely my bad this time, she nodded. She told me, "I love mama" I'm sorry my child and I love you too!
