Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised
The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.
What Tarot Card are You?
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Saturday, 22 May
It was about 2am in the morning, when I heard X whimpered for me. I opened the door, seeing him crawling groggily towards the door. I cuddled him into my arms immediately he stopped whining, I kept whispering to him, " You must be hungry, want 'nen nen'?" he didn't reply but I placed him close to my breast and he start suckling with no fuss.
I stroked his hair whilst he was grabbing my finger, with his eyes barely open he pushed his hand close to my lips and I gave it a kiss. He retreated transiently but later he pushed it close to my lips again, I giggled and gave him another kiss on his hand. It seems he still craving for my love even when he was in a 'semi conscious' state. I continued rubbing his arm, pat his bottom and softly I hummed a song for him. It was a wonderful, serene and sentimental moment, just between both of us!
During the day feeds, he loves to play 'peek a boo' with me when I cuddled him near my chest. He will constantly peep while suckling on my nipple. Whenever I notice him, he will give me a grin and other time he will lightly pat on my breast. When you see how eagerly he latches on me, he will definitely know how much he loves to be nursed. Whenever he is full, he will give me a charming satisfying smile, which I reckon it's the ultimate joy of breastfeeding!
Friday, 21 May
I bought fried rice noodle and 'lontong' for lunch today. Y seems not intrigued by the Malay food at all, she refused to take her lunch again! Whilst I was busy spooning the food feeding myself and X, she kept dilly dally dislodging the playmat, poking the curry gravy( which's packed in a plastic bag), asking for pee and the next second wanted to poop, She constantly finding excuses to spare her from having a proper meal. I warned her if she didn't take her food, I'll go upstair without her and she has to sleep alone, 'downstair'! After the 'threatening', she managed to scoop a piece or two of 'nasi himpit' into her mouth.
However, it didn't take her long to 'slumbering' again. I pestered her to take her food, but she asked me to feed her instead, I fed her with a spoonful then I told her I have other chores to deal with. That time, I had done with feeding X and busy collecting the dried clothing at the frontyard, pathetically she asked for pooping again and I asked her to settle herself. When I stepped into the house, I found she spilled her urine all over the kitchen's doorway. I presumed she did it unintentionally when she tried to lift the potty to the living room. I was a bit sulky when I cleaned the soiled floor, whimpering that I was tired cleaning after her mess. I told her that I was angry with her, before I could continued she bellowed, " after mama died, papa will come to me!" she said that highly likely because I used to tell her that if she stayed stubborn and don't listen to me, I'll probably die before she grows up. After she had done with her 'business', I washed her potty while she was still 'hu ha' around the house showing no intention of taking her lunch. She kept saying 'NO!' when I prompted her to take her lunch.
I had enough with my patience, hence I dragged her into the 'unoccupied room' and closed the door, she cried fretfully while pounding the wooden door. At the mean time, she gagged and begged me to let her out. I continued hanging my other batch of laundry, held my heart tight for punishing my beloved child. At the same time, X got startled with my action and cried like his 'jie jie'. I kept Y in the room(without locking) for a few seconds, then I opened the door, warned her to sit on her chair and take her food. She went to the living room crying heartily while clunching on the floor, refused to take her food. I put her on the chair and asked her to take her food, else I'll put her back in the room. When I came back to her, she was holding a few leaves of vege in her hand whilst most dishes was scattered on the floor. I hold my breath, praised her for taking her food. But eventually, she only ate a quarter of her food and left the rest untouched for 'Collie', our pet dog.
Last weekdays, TK went for a business trip in Haydai. MIL came as usual to acompany me and the sprouts when their father is not around. Since the shop lots were available in the vicinity of our house, we often walk to the mamak restaurant, which located by the opposite road. That morning after we sent J to her Montessori(roughly Wednesday or Thursday), we crossed to the other side to have my favourite roti sardine and MIL has her roti telur for breakfast(with teh tarik ofcourse).
In the restaurant, I intendedly showed X(8months 2weeks)a fork and a spoon. I kept repeated to him, " this is a fork"(showing him by wriggling the fork) and "this is a spoon"(wriggled the spoon). Later I asked him to grab the tableware when I name it, he got it right all the time. I repeated four times with the same sequence(or perhaps more), MIL was amazed and I again busted her myth, which she used to proclaim, "Kids know nothing at this age!".
Thursday, 20 may
This morning I hit J again! She woke me up at 0700 and told me she wanted to poop, I was exhausted after staying up late blog hopping last night. I was aggitated thus I asked her to look for the potty on her own, she refused and insisted that "the potty is missing"! She whined without bother X was sleeping soundly, with his head resting on my arm. My 'blood boiled' and involuntary I raised my hand and landed it on her left cheek, she cried and vomitted with milk and phlegm. Seeing she contaminated the matteress while X waking up fretfully, I raised my hands on her again, I pinched her thigh and legs without hesitation.
My mind kept warning me, "Stop! Enough! it's not her fault but yours!! you shouldn't stay up late and now ended up letting your anger on your beloved child!!" seeing Y crying heartily with tears and her face flushing like a tomato, I know I'm guilty again! I cleaned her up, pulled out the matteress and wiped her face dry. She apologised to me, made my heart sank with regrets nad guiltiness! I called TK, asked her to talk to her papa... avoiding her take another glance on my 'ungly bad temperament face'.
Later TK rang me, he told me it's hard to control our temperament infront of Y since she is a miss chievous. He has tried his best not to hit her nor scold her, and it was me that suggested not to land hands on her(in order to bring up a wonderful personality child), I should have be ashamed with myself. Thus I vow, from now on I will never hit my precious sprouts again! If I broke my promise, I'll have to go straight back to work!!!
After put off the phone, I cuddled Y in my arm. I told her if she needed something, she shouldn't depend on others, indeed she should look for it independently. I apologised for hitting her, I told her "hands are not for hitting" and it's definitely my bad this time, she nodded. She told me, "I love mama" I'm sorry my child and I love you too!
