My Parentology Lab

Since X was born, I found the pressure as a SAHM is way too harsh for me... to the extend I feel I'm strangled! I used to work in ICU, somewhere people would consider it's a work place with tremendous pressure... hahaha! SO WRONG! Eventhough with taxing work loads and horrendous atmosphere, the tension in ICU is nothing like I have at home... with 2 little rascals, one is the mischievous, who loves to whine without any apparent reason; and the other is clingy and whimper from time to time! Worst part, the eldest always intimidate the youngest and make him a crying baby that would really spoil my mood!

I'm kind of curious how other SAHM( who has more than a child)manage to handle their children, as from my observation... none of my family member would able to handle either of my child wihout any helper! While I have to babysit them with a bundle of house chores awaiting for me... I always feel guilty when I was forced to leave X in the cot or barricade him when I bathed J, 'wrestled' in the kitchen for meals or trying to clean up the front yard, leaving him cried and screeched! Whenever I have done, I'll be haunted by the sight of his face covered with sweats, mucus and tears whilst streching his arms and begging me to carry him!!

I'm getting impatience, especially with J! The 'terrible 2' in her is choking my breath... except when she has gone to her Montessori or sleeping soundly. For instance yesterday(when she came back from her school), she took her own sweet time dilly dally with a tiny winy burgle I made for her, yet she didn't manage to finish it... nevermind; she grabbed a bundles of rattles and toys into her bedroom during nap time, I have to threatened her before she put it back ... nevermind; she left her cup with Horlick on the TV cabinet( I warned her before), later the drink spilled on X (when he tried to grab it)... nevermind; until when I was busy preparing dinner, she filled water in a ballon then poured it into the washing machine and on the dining chair, whilst X was crying cause I barricade him from the kitchen... my pressure raised beyond my threshold, I grabbed J and kept her in the storage until time for dinner!!

I found weekend becomes so crucial for me... to give my strenous brain and muscles a 'time-out'( My backache is getting worst recently with my trapezius cramped up too)! I really wish to have a day out, just for myself... but how can I enjoy my rest day if I can't stop worrying J and X! I prefer family outing, just the four of us... I told Tk I want to get some books for J this weekend, he sulked miserably, " When am I going to finish painting the house?!" I continued, " Do you know what day is this Sat?" he replied, " You thought I don't know, it's your birthday!" I was rather startled, it's my birthday and I was craving to have some quality time with him and the little sprouts... can't believe that's the best answer I can get from him?!! I'd rather he said he forgot than telling me he knows but he still have to continue with the painting job!(frown)

I really wish someone... would understand and care for me(weep)! MY BODY IS SO TIRED... I just need someone to value and appreciate me... more!